one sweet B

Today is this lady's birthday.

Happy Birthday!

My Girl Crush

I'm very excited for the film 500 Days of Summer—and not because it features the dude from Ten Things I Hate About You (completely underrated film). The truth is, I am sorta head over heels for Zooey Deschanel. Her little vintage dresses and bangs and tap dancing never fail to put a smile on my face. Sure, you can write her off as just another hipster celebrity, but in my opinion, she's a ukelele-playing, red lipstick-wearing hottie whose quirkiness seems completely for real.

I also get all dreamy when I hear her singing. She & Him Vol. 1 is one of my favorite albums of 2008. Not to mention her version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" from Elf. Damn!

Zooey, in all your perfectness, this post is for you!

 

Dropping some heart science

I haven't posted here in a very long while. A lot of things have been going on inside my head lately; maybe it has something to do with turning thirty soon. I don't know. Anyway, this is an excerpt from an email I just sent someone.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I put on Sigur Ros, the record with the symbols { }, and it was so beautiful, and I started thinking about what you said the other night, that love is the only thing we have.

For the past few years I've tried to force myself to stop believing in love. It seemed like this eternal paradox whose sole purpose was to torture us humans wriggling round Earth. I didn't understand if love was supposed to be something wild and crazy that completely consumes you, or something calm and sort of comforting and mundane. I knew I had loved and been in love, but at the same time I still felt completely lost, like this fundamental human connection was baffling to me and only me.

I remember struggling with these issues last year when I was ending my relationship. At one point, being in my bed and just praying to I don't know who or whom, for someone to tell me what to do, to give me some sort of answer. Praying, for me, is an odd thing. I haven't felt any meaningful connection with God for so long that it was a sort of symbolic throwing in of the towel, if you will. A last-ditch effort. And that night I had a dream, and in that dream I was on a train with E. I turned to him and said, "What is real love supposed to feel like?" And he smiled and said, "You know already. It feels like this." Then he touched me and I was immediately filled with the most wonderful, calm, peaceful feeling . . . like a warmth or sort of light radiating through me. I can't even describe it. But I knew it. I knew that was love. And I woke up.

So anyway, last night, struggling under the weight of Tylenol PM, I remembered that. Sometimes I think the point of all this mess is to keep fighting to uncover love no matter how many times you are stung. In all its forms. Is that what E.M. Forster meant with "Only connect"?

I have no idea what I'm writing all of this to you, but I just felt like it. Someday I will stop communicating in fragments.

One day away

I do love leaving here. We got outta town on Thursday to visit our friends Susan and her Boo John who were visiting their friend in San Diego. Got all that? It gets more complicated because we sat by the beach, went to Whole Foods, and then made sushi. 

Suze and John

This occupied us for at least an hour

Sushi is made like this......
Yes. We have the same sunglasses.

We had a great day!

UO Fall 08

Jezebel did a really funny write up on the new Urban outfitters catalog.

You should check it out.

That said, Patrick and I have been planning our annual much needed trip to Urban's . We will bitch and complain about the lack of quality amongst the clothes, roll our eyes at the loud annoying music and disapprovingly shake our heads at the over- trended 19 year old sales associates.  I can't wait!

jobsjobsjobs

I just got back from another job interview. The company is a huge design firm that creates posters and basically all graphic materials for films. It has a super swazzy three floor office in the CNN building in Hollywood. There were artists and rimmed glasses everywhere. Having submitted so many resumes lately I had no idea what the job position was until I sat down with two ladies and the interview was underway.

They described a variety of duties and tasks that are, what I refer affectionately to as, monkey work.   This work requires someone to be a little hired hand to do all of those things no one else wants to do. I am no stranger to these kinds of jobs. In many ways I have been doing them my whole life. Cleaning up after people, getting people things when they are thirsty or hungry, and pretty much being invisible. I can already envision the numerous times I'd have to tell a superior, "It's Jessica not Jennifer" and the rest of the time when I will just smile and let it go. 

Contrary to my description, this kind of job does not really bother me at all. I had a  good interview and I think they were quite pleased. But in every interview I have encountered, there is that one dreaded question; the question I know they will ask but I wish, and hope, and pray they will not.

"So are you an actor?"

"Well....um, I, moved out here to act, yes, and I have a fine arts degree, a theatre major...and um..."

"But you aren't auditioning, or going out every day, right?"

"Oh, no. No, not at all."

Here s what I really thought:

"Well, it's like this see I worked so hard very hard to get a commercial agent and eventually I did! But I have not been sent out in so long and the industry is in a huge down slide and I can't wait tables anymore I can't! I'm so poor it's too much I can't so I'm trying something new and I'm really scared I made a mistake or failed or something and I love acting but out here it's different it's not fun anymore and I have NO money and I'm just gonna do something else right now I think I guess for awhile and then see but in my heart this question makes me so sad because I want to respond to your question enthusiastically with YES I am an actor but I am in a transitional thing and so umm ummm ummm."

They said they would let me know in a few weeks. So I guess I have a few weeks.

Wednesday night, a few things......

I know she can look a bit scary, and I can't really say I'm an admirer of her clothes, but I really like the American Express commercial with Diane von Furstenberg. I love the music. I love how she takes pictures of the trees. I even love the sound of her warbling accent. It gets to me when she says, "I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become." Maybe it's because of where I'm at right now in my life. I know who I am and what I love to do, but not quite how to put that into something tangible like a job, or a career. It's scary because I'm thinking about jumping into something new, and putting something I have devoted so much of my energy into aside for awhile. Soul searching is a term I abhor but I am searching in a way. I'm looking all around for something and trying to keep my eyes open all the time for whatever it may be. I'm hungry for inspiration, advice, conversations, and insights from poets, writers, models, babies, nature, just about anyone or anything that I feel speaks to me. Because I'm ready for___________ and these days it seems even commercials are speaking to me.

Gwennie and Batali

I want to watch this show! It airs here Sunday night. I think I will enjoy it with some wine and cheese.

Sunday morning

I woke up this morning and to my surprise...it's COLD!!!! (and cloudy)

Could this be fall coming at last? The end of the hot, dry, slow summer? I hope so. I have a big cup of coffee and I'm listening to portishead to help things along.

On Friday Patrick and I went to our favorite place within walking distance, the Silver Lake cheese store. Sometimes I just go in there and walk around while breathing deeply. All of the cheese and wine and olive oil everywhere has a calming effect on me. Some people do yoga. I like cheese.

9 to 5

Still job hunting.  I've sent out so many resumes that when I would see mail in my inbox, I'd get that little twinge of excitement....who wants to hire me now?  

Now I know it's probably just another email from moveon.org., the third or fourth that day.  

Back to craigslist!

Have a good weekend!

 

Fun Problems

I'm watching this movie right now!!!!!
I, like Lelaina Pierce am knee deep in job hunting. Except while she traipses around in great thrown together vintage finds, I wear the same three things in heavy rotation.
By the way,  here is something that needs to be said, Ethan Hawke's hair is enviable. It should be celebrated.  ALSO That look he gives Lelaina and the bumbler (Ben Stiller)  as he passes them by in the parked car mid make- out,  should be on an AFI "look" list.

Five cities

Where should we move?????

1. Portland: Seems like a nice place to live, right?

2. Seattle: Again, a nice place to live. I have an affinity with the west coast, and don't feel quite ready to leave it. Seattle has a good theatre scene.

3. San Diego: Pretty, again, nice place to live. Great weather. I'm pretty used to nice weather.

4. New York: I have always wanted to live here! Reasons are obvious.

5. Chicag0: A relatively easy move. An affordable, nice, normal place to live and some acting work too.

Any thoughts??

Fins

Last night I cut my hand at work. It's sad I'm now a finn-ed nublin, but it's the way it happened that makes me shake my head in disapproval.  We close at 10pm. But at 9:55, people insist on coming in and ordering a three course, leisurely meal. As I sat and waited for these people to order, eat, and then pay so I could go home, I grew very impatient. I bussed their table in a frenzy because it was already an hour past closing. Bringing the glasses to the dishwasher is a blur at this point. I know one slipped and broke and cut my hand instantly like it was made of tissue.  I started bleeding like a mofo which caused me to go into my I-just-saw-blood-I'm-going-to-faint thing. This has been happening since my youth. I see blood, especially my own gushing out, and I become light headed and sick.  After laying down and sweating for a half hour I got up and went home where Patrick had assembled a make shift medical clinic worthy of the red cross.  Also, I was given ice cream.

So my message is this: please, if a restaurant is even close to closing for the night don't go in. I promise you your food will not be made or served with love and someone will get hurt.

Obsessions

I can't think of anything clever or wise to say about life right now (and if I did, I'm not sure I'd want to share it here), so I'll just post some of my current obsessions. That seems to be the thing to do these days!

1. Leather motorcycle jackets

2. Manners and etiquette

3. Scones

4. Paul Smith clothing shoppe

(more men should purchase items here!)

5. Jarvis Cocker

(no explanation needed!)

My graphic design skills are off the map!

A question

Will she ever post again???

droppin some knowledge

Hey, when you are dining at a restaurant and you point to your cup as if to say, "I would like some more of this beverage", and make eye contact with your server, please know that if your server is me, CLEEZY, I will take three laps and hit the bathroom before I refill your stank beverage.

Pointing is _____________!!!!

What am I doing wrong?

I have been looking at various blogs all day, and it has left me feeling a bit inadequate. It seems like all these people do is eat gourmet foods, drink various wines/bubblies, own dogs, buy pretty clothes and bake pastries.  No one gets Dominos or works at Applebee's.

My life feels pretty Natty light in comparison.

I still like to look at them though.

Friday Snack time

I'm obsessed with this yogurt.

What's this?

NO!!!

I have to back to work on Wednesday.

Sources of inspiration

Ina Garten.
The Bucket List. (a list of things you do before you kick the bucket)!
Our beloved motel 6. The finest in affordable lodging!

Disaronno on the Rocks

Sadly, today our little journey came to an end. But what better way to end a trip than with fresh baked organic goods in Freestone, CA? Came away with the best scone I've ever had (even better than Jack's in NYC!) and some sticky bun bread for the ride back to LA. Of course, rounding off this perfect little boulangerie was the lovely, bountiful wildflower garden growing in back. Munching delicious organic baked goods whilst basking among wildflowers? You can't fit much more perfectness into one little morning!

green gables, yonder!

Hit up the town of Duncans Mills today where I had the best iced coffee, maybe ever.
Then we did some wine tastings. Went to four vineyards and keeping with our organic, local grown theme, we picked smaller vineyards to visit.
For some real local flavor, we went to the Santa Rosa tj maxx. Amy bought a frame and some shorts.

start the day off right

Today we ate a hearty breakfast at Howard's cafe in Occidental, and Amy and I both enjoyed heart shaped biscuits.
We traveled up and down the Bohemian highway only to end up at another Motel 6! It was a relief to back in the luxurious throngs of the sweet 6, where the wi-fi is never free and cable is defined by 6 channels.

We had a great dinner at zazu which was organic and supports local farmers and the baconcomesfromtheirpigs and all that.

An uncanny resemblance

Is that Tori from Saved by the Bell in the Progressive commercial?

These pics are from our dinner last night. We made ourselves sick with soup, salad, bread, and various pasta dishes, plus a bowl of tiramasu. Everything was SO GOOD but the dude at the table next to us would NOT stop bellowing on about his own voyages in Tuscany and the best way to order wine and blah blah blah.

BTW is not Fox Mulder the most FOXY thing?

On this trip we have not stayed out past 8 pm.

We love cheeses and organic foods.

In the name of Ryan Reynolds' pube line, Amy and Jess

A quickie!

Occidental is quaint, beautiful, and so peaceful. Unfortunately, it's been hard to get any internet signal or cell service. So we are in a spot where we can quickly post a few pics and a few words.
Amy and I are considering quitting our jobs and becoming organic farmers. Enjoy a pic of my boobs.

MORE LATER!!!!!!

"It was here in Big Sur I first learned to say 'Amen" " -- Henry Miller

We woke up this morning refreshed after resting our weary heads and bodies upon the downy comfort that is Motel 6 bed linen. After filling up our Dodge Caliber ($50!), we hit up Cambria for some cappuccino and lattes at a picture-perfect cafe; a quick glance around revealed that we were the only patrons--indeed, the only human beings within Cambria city limits--under 65. A quick stop at the grocery store, and we were back on the road to Big Sur. What a twisting, spiraling, winding road; and such breathtaking beauty that no amount of adjective could do it justice. We breathed it in.

At the Henry Miller library, I spotted a book I've been wanting to read for quite a while; a beautiful hardcover edition of Anais Nin's Winter of Artifice. Figuring I might as well support the library, I purchased the book, not realizing that it was $50. The book is quite lovely, though, and independently produced. As John Cloud is fond of saying, It's only money, you get more in two weeks!

Oh, I also ran into an old boyfriend there, but that's a long story I don't feel like getting into.

We drank tea at a rustic coffeehouse by the side of a road where a bunch of Big Chill-esque sunburnt hippies were selling dirt-encrusted carrots and fairy dust oils and similar things. After a few more stops to take in the mountain air, we checked into our beloved Motel 6, and hightailed it to dinner at Chili's, where a perky waitress informed Jess that she couldn't get a burger medium-rare. She did finally allow me my chicken tacos minus ranch, though. It's the small victories!